Things I love about being a mom

1. I love how she smiles all the time for me. She tries to be serious at times, but I never let her go with that face. I never quit until she smiles and now she does it easily. I figure it's because she knows I won't give up!

2. We have this unique connection. Not only the mom-baby bond, but now when someone does something weird or whatever we give weird looks to the person and then look at each other to acknowledge the oddity of it. I love it!

3. Having a constant companion. Sometimes it can be stressful, but there is something reassuring knowing wherever I go she goes with me.

4. Nighttime. I don't mean the lack of sleep, but putting her to bed and she is falling asleep and snuggling against me just melts me. There is a feeling of accomplishment with making it through another day and knowing we are growing together.

5. Being able to read her. At first it seemed like whenever she cried it was a guessing game, but now I know. It's so relieving knowing more now and being able to tend to her needs much quicker.

6. Watching her grow and reach milestones. I have never been so excited to see someone roll over or grab something. Seeing her developing is amazing!

7. Having someone who loves me unconditionally even when I screw up. Lily never judges me or recalls the past mistakes. Even when I let her cry it out for the 2 days whenever I came into the room to get her or try to soothe her, she would stop crying when she saw me. She then broke out into a huge smile which made me feel like the worst parent ever!

8. Going out into public with her. It's my way of showing her off to the world and loving every minute of it!!

9. The excitement I feel when I I hold her again after I have been away from her for awhile. It makes me feel like I am complete with her with me again.

I know some may wonder why I am vocalizing this on a blog, but I just had to. At times I know I take things for granted with her. This gives me the opportunity to brag more about my girl and remind myself about the little things that make me love her more and more everyday. Having a baby changes your life forever. It's no longer your life. At times I look back and think about the things I miss such as sleep and being able to pick up and go whenever I wanted, but I can't imagine my life without her anymore. There will be a day when I sleep again, when I can be more mobile and for now I want to enjoy her as much as possible.

Much needed update!

It seems like every time I have the intention to sit down and catch up on blogging I either am too tired to try or get up and literally forget what I was doing. Oh the joys of having a baby!

Speaking of joys of a baby, I love my baby girl!! Lily is so much fun to have around and I am quite lucky to be able to enjoy her everyday all day. She is already 3 months old! I remember when her cute little bum fit in the palm of my hand and she would sleep on me all day. Now she is fitting into 3-6 month clothes, rolling over (she did it 5 times yesterday!!), and sleeping much less during the day. She no longer has to sleep on either of us which is nice at nighttime and enjoys her swing which she currently sleeps in. We are trying to figure out the best transition for her from the swing to her crib. I tried the crying it out for 2 days and I was done. It was too hard to listen to her screaming in our room and then going in to soothe her only for her to react with a huge smile on her face and excitedly start flailing. I felt so awful for her to have such a positive happy reaction to seeing me when I was the one who put her in there and let her cry! I realized I would so much rather take more time and do a slower transition. I thought I was so tough only to realize I am such a softie with her. Of course there is nothing wrong with that!

Lily is doing so well during the night that when she started waking up twice during the night I thought something was wrong only to realize it's completely normal. Lily has been so good to only wake 1 time that I got spoiled by it. In the mornings when she wakes up she starts making noises and sometimes just yells out at me to notify me she is awake. Her swing faces our bed and is directly below me so when I sit up she can see me. Every morning I am greeted by her happy face and a giant smile. There is no better way to wake up!

I find that I now no longer have much time to do things for myself such as getting ready, doing laundry, etc... I have made Lily my buddy when doing these things so she isn't bored and I can play with her while working. I have to brag for a moment and say that I feel quite accomplished with being able to do these things while keeping a baby entertained. I definitely was naive in my thinking when I pictured Fred coming home from work to a clean house and dinner cooking with a happy baby in her bouncing seat. Sometimes it's more like Fred coming home to a mess with dinner still yet to be made and, sadly, sometimes a screaming baby.

Speaking of Fred, he is still working as a case manager, but is now actively seeking a therapist position. He is eager to start putting hours toward his LCSW and is wanting to get into therapy. He works so hard and comes home just to put in more hours with Lily and I. He is so good to make dinner, do the dishes, and/or take Lily so I can have a little break to do something around the house. He gets up at night to get Lily when she wakes up so I can get ready to feed her and on the weekends she is constantly spoiled by his love and attention. I feel so lucky that Fred is so actively involved with Lily and helps out a ton. Sometimes even saving what is left of my sanity. I just love him!!

As for me there is nothing really to update on. Just trying to get the hang of being a mom and getting to know Lily better each day. It's amazing how much my life revolves around such a tiny person, but how much joy I get from it. I really never thought being a mom could be this satisfying. People often ask me if being a mom is what I thought it would be. I always reply with "No. It's a lot harder than I thought, but more rewarding than I could ever imagine." Despite what kind of day I have had with Lily, at the end of it as I lay her down to sleep I continually thank God for her. My life couldn't be more blessed than it is now with a sweet sacrificing husband and a sweet happy baby girl.

Lily Project part 2

So here are the wristbands we had printed. They are made from a material called Tyvek, which is like a woven plastic or something that is ultra-durable and water proof.








When people come and visit, they can leave messages, love notes, and encouragement for Lily on these wristbands. We also have them write the gestational date, which will show how long Lily had so many awesome people cheering for her.














Also, since the minimum order we had to do was 500, Sadie and I are each wearing one until Lily is born. Stinkin' fun, huh?!?!

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Update!

We have a project going for our Miss Lily! As you can see by the picture we made a basket for Lily’s visitors. Whenever someone comes and visits us we have them sign a pink wristband that says “I heart (it’s actually a heart) Lily”. We have them put what day they came to visit and a little note for Lily. We are wanting to collect as many of them as possible so we can make it into a quilt for her to have so she knows how many people loved, cared, and were supporting her even before she got here. If there wasn't a reason to come visit us before, now there is! For those of you that have come to visit us a big thank you! Know that you are more than welcome to come and visit as much as you want!

It has been a little over a week since we came to the hospital and things are going great! The hospital staff have been absolutely wonderful and have taken amazing care of Lily, Fred and I. Things are looking a lot more optimistic for Lily. I went in about a week ago for an ultrasound to measure my fluid levels. Before I was admitted to the hospital my fluid level was at a 3 which as we have said is extremely low. When I went in for the most recent ultrasound they measured my fluid level at 13 which is in the normal range. Both the doctor and I were in complete shock! He showed me all the fluid that Lily was swimming around in and we saw her full belly and full bladder which indicates she is getting all the fluid she needs. He was even able to check her gender to make sure it was a girl and we now have a picture! Who knew something like that would be so exciting?! Lily has been making herself known a lot more with all the movement she has been making. Every morning and evening they hook me up to a monitor to record her heart beating and check me for contractions. She was trying to comply at first and now she hates it! Unless she is sleeping she likes to play hide and seek with the nurses. Once they find her she makes sure I know she is not happy about it. She will kick and punch the monitor. She also likes to swim off so the game can resume. I love being able to see her little defiant strong personality show! I honestly believe her defiance is part of the reason of why she has been doing so well. She wants to show everyone she is not about to give up or let people tell her what she can or can't do. I like to think this is a characteristic she has learned from her parents!

Fred began his job today which is quite exciting! He is taking CPR classes today and meeting his case manager that he will be shadowing. A nice way to ease into a new job I think! When I update next I am sure I will have a lot more to spill!!

A time for updates...

Since it has been over 3 months since my last update, I figured it was high time I finally posted something new. A lot has happened since we moved back to Utah. First is that Fred took his state licensing exam and passed with flying colors! We were both so excited and relieved. Unfortunately it took some time after that for Fred to find a job, but after a lot of searching and applications he was able to find a job! To make it even better it's here in Provo so we are able to stay where we have wanted to stay. It's quite nice, but we are even more grateful that he was able to find a good job. He will be working at Wasatch Mental Health.

Secondly on August 21st we celebrated our 1 year anniversary! We just went out to dinner and did a little bit of shopping. It was quite fun and relaxing.

On August 10th Cora, Fred's mom, went in for brain surgery to take care of an aneurysm that was discovered. She recovered quite well for the next 2 weeks and was able to go home. Unfortunately on August 22nd she passed away unexpectedly. There were funeral services held for her on the following Friday. Many of her friends and family came to share their memories of her and it was a very good service. I am so grateful for the chance that I had to get to know her and what a wonderful woman she truly was. She was so caring and compassionate and loved about everyone she knew. We have missed her terribly, but know she is happier where she is now.

Update about our sweet little GIRL, Lily. Yes that's right, we are having a girl! She is growing quite well and is an active little girl. We have run into some complications. When we went in for our first ultrasound we found there wasn't a lot of amniotic fluid which caused concern. I upped my water intake for the next 2 weeks until the next ultrasound which wasn't much better. We had an appointment for a specialist for the next week, but the next day I went to the hospital due to more leaking than normal. I stayed overnight for observation and put on bed rest which resulted in the highest fluid count. We met with the specialist that day and were given more details and information about what was going on. Lily is developing normally and still quite active. They checked her heart and every other major thing they needed too, but found nothing wrong. Apparently my water broke when I was at 17-18 weeks which accounts for the low amniotic fluid levels. Lily could come anytime and I am on bed rest pretty much until she comes. I am far enough along now that if she were to come right now they are able to help Lily to survive. It's a relief to be past that point, but we are hoping she stays in there just as long as possible. The longest being 34 weeks which at that point they will induce me due to a high risk of infection. That's only 11 weeks away so we are hoping for the best! It's looking like I will be going into the hospital this weekend and stay there until my Lily comes. If you are bored and feel like visiting please drop by!

Who knew so much could happen in just a few months. We've had our ups and downs, but we know that we will get through this with God's help. We are positive with our outlook for Lily and know she is being taken care of. We thank everyone for their support and prayers we know have been sent our way. It has been a great help and we know they have been heard. We love all of you and are so grateful for all you do!

I've become addicted to the warm weather..

As I sit here trying to think of a clever way to begin my post all I can think is "Man it's been 1 month since I last posted. I am way too lazy, but probably won't change that aspect just yet." There hasn't been too much going to actually report much, but after a month enough has happened that I figured I would share!
First is that about a month ago Fred and I went out to Wal-Mart to do some heavy duty shopping. Since stores are pretty expensive here and self care products are way expensive we go to Wal-Mart when we need some necessities. We decided this time around we were going to take our cart since we bring back enough bags that can be pretty heavy. As we were getting off the bus it took us a minute or two extra so we could grab everything and put it in the cart. Once we did Fred took the cart down the escalator like the kind husband he is. I start walking towards the terminal when I hear this bumping sound and Fred yelling for me. I run back to see Fred trying to run back up the escalator because the cart is stuck. The bumping sound was him running into the cart when it hit the bottom. I was laughing so hard at first I couldn't really help him. I was able to pull the cart out and we continued on with me laughing. We got outside and were walking across the street when Fred overestimated its 4-wheeling power and hits a hole where the cart is thrown forward with Fred almost toppling over it. We were at a busy intersection and again all I can do is laugh. Can you tell I'm a good wife who can help out in critical times such as these? We made it home with almost everything intact except for 1 broken egg. I consider that a very successful shopping trip!
As for a bit of good news we are excited to share, we are officially coming back to the west coast May 15th!! We were looking at options out here, but it'd be too long before Fred would be able to take the test and actually start looking for a job and there is no way we can make it on what I make with my nannying. It just made perfect sense for us to come back home. Needless to say we are both extremely happy and excited about coming home! We've missed it a lot since returning out here in December and we're excited to get back to the Utah state with open space and options of exercising!
Speaking of exercising Fred and I went for our first run today! Nothing big just about a 3 miles doing a walk/run. It felt so good! Good because we've needed to get back into exercising for a long time and also because the weather is finally pleasant enough out here we're able to actually have warmth! It's been so beautiful out here for the past few days. When I go to work I take the youngest boy, P, outside and we spend awhile going to parks, walking, riding bikes, and whatever else we want to do. It's fantastic! We are so excited for the weather to warm up here and us getting back into running. It helps to get us excited for running back in Utah and going on hikes etc....
Work has been going extremely well for me. I feel like I have been able to bond with the boys a lot more and have loved every minute of it! They ask me the funniest questions (most of them "Sadie when you were a little girl did you eat/play/drink _______?) They generally seem excited to see me and we have a lot of fun together. They make me laugh so hard and can make me feel so good! I absolutely love spending time with them and look forward to when I am with them. P always insists holding my hand now and we have a few games that we like to play often. Most of them sneezing and me reacting or him being a mouse or a cat. It's so cute!!
Fred is doing well with his school and internship. We are both definitely counting down the days though he is keeping better track than I am.
Well I think that is about it from us. We are both exhausted from our day and our run. Hope all is well with all of you!

Another month already!?

I cannot believe how fast time is flying! It seems like just when I get caught up with time it seems to slip away again.
I have come to the conclusion that whenever my life seems normal I need to make that exact comment. The day after posting the last blog I had an interesting experience. I had gone to visit a girl from church that happened to live up by where I worked. I worked later that evening so I decided that I would go and hang out at a Starbucks near there and just read my book. I walk in and as usual, it's crowded. I find one seat at an empty table and sat down. I opened my book to read it when this woman sitting next to me asks what I'm reading. I show/tell her that I'm reading Sarah Palin's book, "Going Rogue". She rolls her eyes and starts talking to the ceiling, which I assumed meant she was talking to God, to help me. I realized that I wasn't probably going to get the kindest response to that book since Sarah Palin is affiliated more with the Republicans and I live in a liberal state. At first I thought nothing of it, just laughed and continued on reading. She continues talking to me. It was something to the effect that her friend had lost a son and how sad it was. That was the beginning and end which is what I am assuming she was talking about. The whole in between text made absolutely no sense. I was polite and responded to questions and tried making nice conversation with her since it seemed rude to me to just ignore her. I look away when a woman sitting in front of the lady I was talking to turned to her and said "Did you just tap me again?!" My lady gave her the strangest look and said no. She then turned to me and made some comments about how this woman thinks she keeps touching her when she doesn't. "Hmmmm... That's odd" I respond. She then looks at me and says "You look like a woman who has a lot of answers!" Wait what?! I laughed and said I wasn't sure how many answers I really had for her or anyone else for that matter. She talked about how good God is and how you have to keep an open heart. "You keep an open heart don't you?" Uh..... Sure? Probably because I live in a city where avoidance of each other is prevalent along with not looking friendly. I like being friendly which has been good and bad for me here. She then goes to the bathroom and I just shrug and go back to my reading. The woman who was tapped stands up and walks over to me as she is leaving. "Is she alright?" she asks. "I think she's a bit drunk. I smelt alcohol on her breath" I respond. The woman seems to think that more than just being drunk is going on and perhaps more towards drug usage. I respond with a "That's possible" since I haven't had much experience with that. The woman then tells me the lady kept tapping her and hitting her. Oh great, I think to myself. I just had to say I haven't had anything interesting happen to me didn't I? The lady in question comes back and sits down and talks on her phone. Curious I watch her from the corner of my eye and wait to see if she was really talking to someone on her phone. She hangs up and it becomes apparent to me her good friend on the phone wasn't actually on the phone. At this point I am more staring at my book, pretending to read, because I have no idea what to do. The lady then bows her head and is fast asleep in mere seconds. I look around and assess the situation. I figure it's probably best for me to leave at that point right? I need to go to work and she seems to be ok inside somewhere where if she needs help there are people around.
The rest of the time since then has been pretty calm. I've been working a lot which has proved to be so enjoyable day after day! The kids are enjoying me, so it seems, and I am enjoying them more. Time always seems to go by so fast which always amazes me. It's nice to be so productive and not have my job feel like a job, but more something I rather enjoy doing and look forward to. We had a big playdate this past Friday which was fun. T, the oldest boy, is already having girls fight over him as to which one is going to marry him. It provided some good entertainment! I've met more nannies which makes me feel a lot better because I feel like I'm expanding my resources and connecting with other people. I had a black nanny ask me my name on Friday. She thought I was the previous nanny and I told her my name. She responded with a "Oh. Well all you white people look the same to me!" I laughed because sometimes that's how I feel when I meet black nannies. Some of them look the same to me and it's hard to keep them straight.
I finally regained my voice after having a 3 days of not being able to really talk. I always think it's fun until it happens. Then I realize it talks a lot of effort to talk and no one can hear you most of the time. Yay for sickness!!
We found out that Fred finishes up school officially on April 30th! That gives him almost 2 weeks of complete free time and he is so excited! It'll be nice to have him more especially since we'll be packing about that time and I'll still be working.
I'm not sure there is much more updating than that.... An interesting story and then us just working and going to school.
Hope all is well with you all!